5 Minutes

So, here I am, back at it after over 3 months. And what a 3 months it has been. We have had so many milestones and amazing moments that I want to write about and I will. But I have found that I feel overwhelmed with catching up on all of the events over the past several months, so much so that I just avoid getting on here and trying to "get it all out".

So, one of the many weekends that I will remember for a long time is the weekend in mid October that we spent in Albuquerque with my cousins and their families and my aunt and uncle. I have two cousins - Romy and Rachel. Romy is my sister's age and Rachel is my age. Rachel and I actually took the initiative and planned a trip for us (Greg and Landon and I along with Linda and Evi - Cullyn stayed in Denver to run part of the Rock n Roll marathon) to come see them. It was a short visit but great. There is a part of me that feels really connected to the southwest and the Native American spirit, and whenever I am in Albuquerque I get recharged.

Here are some photos from our weekend there:

I love this picture.  Evi is old enough to at least sit still for a picture, and Silver (far right) can't move yet so he has no choice!  But my kid?  He was an expert crawler on our trip and couldn't be bothered to stay in one place - and if I tried to force the issue like I did for this photo, he let everyone know he wasn't happy.  So much for the cute shot of the kids at the Albuquerque Zoo.

Above are some shots of the cousins and their families.  Romy is to the left and Rachel is next to her with Baby Silver.  The bottom photo is of Rachel's husband Joel with Silver, and of course Greg and Landon.

On Saturday night, we had dinner at my Uncle Joe and Aunt Gina's house.  First of all, that is just about as close to my dream house as I have seen lately.  A huge yard with lots of plantlife and even a garden nook, an art studio for my aunt, private offices for my uncle and my aunt and a reading lounge for my uncle, a published author who is working on his second novel.  All the photos above are from this dinner - the kids playing together, my uncle, Romy, etc.  The photo below is a photo of what would probably be my favorite part of the house - books and music side by side!

So, many magical conversations happened this night with my 15 family members.  The one I think that will have the most lasting effect was the one between my uncle and my husband.  Greg has been struggling lately with how to make more time for music and really go for it.  He has a great job but it isn't what he went to school for, and sometimes I think he thinks he sold out, even though he loves what he is doing.  Then there is life - the kid, the wife, the family, the whole bit.  The thing that always gets sidelined is music.  As stated before, my uncle just published a novel about two years ago to critical praise.  It took him many, many years to realize his dream of becoming a novelist.  As I was chasing Landon around the backyard, snippets of their conversation drifted over to me, and the piece that I will also take and grow from is "5 minutes".  Uncle Joe was telling Greg that life does get in the way of art, over and over.  But if you just make it a priority to spend 5 minutes a day on your passion, JUST 5 MINUTES, you will get there.  I thought about my blog and about writing in general.  I love writing - it is truly a passion of mine.  I just need to take 5 minutes a day to WRITE.  It may not mean in this blog - I also have an open letter to my son that I have been writing for 2 years and counting (and will continue to write until he leaves my house), I write in a journal for me, I write in Landon's baby book and in Landon's journal, and I have a grateful journal. 

I figure if I can just allocate 5 minutes a day and take it out of my sleep time, I will be a happier, more fulfilled person.  So, there will be more blog entries here, and hopefully my passion will be reignited. 
I leave you with these last 2 photos - pictures of the car ride on the way home.  Cousins napping together, and Landon amusing himself with a book.  I hope the reading bug lasts.

I Think Landon Reads My Blog

So, the kid woke up at 11:15 today. And he is now sitting on the floor playing with toys. Yes, toys. As in the things we (or others) buy for him to keep him stimulated, versus the things he typically finds intriguing such as the computer on/off button, the papers in the entertainment center and the remote controls. He isn't getting into anything he shouldn't either. I don't know what to do with myself, actually.

It's as if he is trying to make this day blissful so that yesterday is a distant memory. I think he was just unhappy that he was portrayed in not the most positive light yesterday. Actually, come to think of it, he really had little to do with yesterday's crap other than waking up early.

But anyway, just wanted to go on the record saying that today is 180 degrees versus yesterday.

Whew. Thanks for listening.

Some Days are Just Too Much

Wow. Summer is finally winding down and my 5 weekends straight of traveling are behind me (what a great few weeks! Did people say that life slows down when you have a baby? Hmm.... haven't seen that yet. More on my/our travels later).

Today's post, however, is pure, unadulterated BITCHING. WHINING. FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. It is one of those days.

L woke up at 8. Yes, 8 is a nice time for a normal baby to wake up, but not my kid. He sleeps until 10, leaving me time to get my coffee and breakfast and get at least a couple of hours of work in. Nope. The condo was hot as hell because of near record breaking temps yesterday, and we weren't home to have the A/C on so the place was a sauna for most of the day today. Then there was the condo showing this afternoon. Yes, this should be a good thing but after countless showings and no bites, we have pretty much lost hope that anything will happen until we take it off the market in the fall and make some small improvements. So even after I stuck L in the pack and play and put on a Yo Gabba Gabba episode from On Demand (yes, I am a bad mother, blah blah blah), I wasn't able to catch up on work because I was scurrying all over the house cleaning for the showing. Those of you who know me know that I am not a cleaning person, and cleaning makes me bitchy. ESPECIALLY cleaning in a hot condo without coffee, knowing that I didn't get jack done for work. I fed L and we hung out for a bit, which improved my mood slightly, and I was able to put him down for a morning nap after a bit of squawking on his part (my kid doesn't typically take a morning nap because the morning is basically over by the time he wakes up!) I was able to get some work done, including hopefully contacting a new group that will be signing up this week, so my mood was improved. G came home for lunch and also scurried around the house cleaning, and he was frustrated too ("What is the point of cleaning when we know that they won't put an offer in.") Good to know that the hot condo pisses everyone off, not just me. We got L and Snap out of the house into the car and then I drove around trying to beat the heat. The prospects showed which was good - I would have lost it if they didn't. L of course has not had an afternoon nap yet, so after the prospects left (I stalk most of my prospects by parking the car across the street and watching them), I get Snap and L and everything back in the still hot condo and try to tuck him in. Screaming for 30 minutes. OK, so much for the nap. I pick him up and wait for G to get home so I can go to the chiropractor. Yeah, I probably didn't mention that my back is having issues. One chiro diagnosed me as having a herniated disc, but then I went to another one who correctly diagnosed me with facet syndrome something or other, which is basically having to do with my muscles (yes, G, you properly diagnosed it, too). So, I run all over the house with L in tow trying to change and pack up and get ready for the appt and then I get L in the car and sit in the hot car waiting for G. This was a low point in my day because I got to reflect on how shitty the day was. We go to the appointment and then to CostCo. Things progress normally throughout the evening, G makes dinner, I give L a bath and then when we get to tuck in time IT happens. He refuses THE BOOB. It is actually perfect timing because I was going to wean him at his first birthday (which is in a week and 3 days! Holy Crap!), but seeing him wriggle and whine about the boob (we are supplementing formula for one feeding a day to get him weaned), was just the cherry on top of the crappy sundae that has been my day. And of course since I didn't get any work done, what usually is a nice Monday night without G after L goes to bed (this is the night where he plays music with two of his friends) has turned into work, work, work. I am usually able to watch crap television and read. So I did watch a little crap television and I drank a beer and now I am blogging before going back to work at almost 10pm.

I have these days every once in awhile - where L seems to totally not have any stability in his schedule (we are so not schedule people but 99% of the time L goes with the flow and lets us have this crazy life), where nothing is going right, where I don't get any time to work which then means no "me" time, and where I get discouraged. Typically, the day after these crappy days I am Polly Positive which I am sure leads G to believe that I need to go on meds. So, I will take a shower, try to work a little, maybe watch something on hulu, and wait for this day to end so I can wake up on the right side of the bed tomorrow.

G, thank you for knowing the perfect mix of staying silent, empathizing and getting riled up with me. I am "reflecting" right this moment, as you l0ve to say.

Good night all.

Drums Along the Rockies

WHAT A CRAZY SUMMER! So much to tell but I just can't sit in one place long enough to post anything, what with our crazy schedule and Landon's increasing mobility!

Let's see.... after the trip out East, we had a chill weekend at my parents' for the 4th of July. Amy and Dave came up and Greg and Dave were able to do some biking while Amy and I were able to do some sitting, our activity of choice for this weekend.

The next weekend was Drums Along the Rockies, the annual drum corps competition in Denver and an annual reunion of sorts for the activity that Greg and I were such a big part of. Last year, due to my overall miserableness (yes, I just made up a word) with being almost 8 months pregnant, I didn't go. This was the first Drums that I hadn't attended since 1989. So I was definitely ready to go this year. And even though I didn't actually go into the show (my typical MO on Drums night), it was one of the best Drums nights ever! So many faces from that past that I hadn't seen in years. Here are some pics....

This is Kimber, my friend from the hornline in 1994 and 1995. I hadn't seen her in 15 years!

This is Char, one of my best friends during the first half of my drum corps years. I haven't seen her in 8 years. We used to write letters to each other when we were in high school (before e-mail and cell phones). I still have them, and I think she does too, so one of these nights we are pouring some wine, spreading them all out on the floor and having a good laugh while reading about our high school dramas! She just moved back to Denver from Chicago so I am hoping I get to see her regularly now!

No Drums would be complete without a picture of the besties. All we are missing is Jenny who wasn't able to attend.

This is a pic of my friends Mike Brown (left) and Jon Eichelberger (right). It was great to see them both! Mike lives in California and I don't think I have seen him since we aged out together in 95. Jon and I see each other now and then - he was YOUNG when we marched together in 95 and I had to do some dance move around him and then fall to the ground and grab his thigh..... I felt a little weird about it seeing as how he was barely 15 if I remember correctly! I felt like a dirty old woman, or I guess what is now called a COUGAR.

This is a picture of Kimber and I and my friend Nicole - she was another really close friend from 93 and 95 and we also went to CU together. She lives in Vegas now, but it is nice that she comes to visit regularly!

Here is another picture of some good friends. Jonette (marched 92-95), Amy and Cristy (no footnote needed!) and AnaLisa, a very close friend (and former college roomie!) that marched with me from 92-95 and has stayed close ever since.

Lastly, here is a picture of me and my friend Allison. She didn't march Blue Knights, but she was a KC girl that was in Pomona's band and we were close in high school.

It was truly a great night. Many pictures weren't taken with people that I really enjoyed reconnecting with. Michelle Watson was the best and not only babysat, but picked Landon up from Drums at 6p (we wanted him to come with us for a couple hours) and stayed until 1am.

It is so great to know that once a year, people know where to show up and they do. It puts the high school reunions I plan to shame. But I think that is because all of us did a lot more than go to high school together. We spent 24 hours a day together and travelled an average of 11,000 miles together every summer. It is such an amazing experience and I am so glad I was a part of it and met so many people there. I met my best friends there. I indirectly met my husband through the activity (we never marched together and we are so glad of that fact, because we never would have ended up together if we did).

So, I will continue on starting with mid July in my next post. Stay tuned!

Just another day....

So, I have hit 36. It's OK. Not too traumatic, really. Yes, late thirties.... blah, blah, blah. I am doing fine with this so far. Ask me in another few months.

The day started with G making me waffles. This is a lovely birthday start, although to be honest G makes breakfast a lot. It doesn't mean I am not grateful, it just means that my husband rocks most days of the year.

L woke up at his usual time (10am - I LOVE that kid) and we then headed out to Colorado Springs. The drive was nice, but hot. We drove to Garden of the Gods, got a map, stuck L in the wonderful baby backpack my sister handed down and off we went. The hike was GREAT other than the fact that a couple that was stopped ahead of us asked if we had seen the Diamondback Rattlesnake that just crossed the trail. Um, no. I would have been perched atop the baby backpack squealing like a child. We took some great pictures and got up close to the Siamese Twins. It was only about a mile and a half and it was an easy hike (slow rises, well managed trails, etc.) but it was great for our first hike with the backpack. L did great in it - he really seemed to like it - I wasn't so sure he would since it was a HOT day and I figured that being in an enclosed space would only make it hotter. But he seemed to enjoy looking out over the countryside. We plan to hike the next three weekends in a row.

We then drove to the Broadmoor where we were joined at the Tavern by my parents and by Linda and her family. A great meal, L did great, and a yummy birthday cake (that said 9 x 4 instead of the dreaded 36, my family knows me well) and ice cream. And did I mention 2 sangrias? Yeah, that too. As crazy and chaotic as meals are with my extended family, I really enjoy them.

My sister gave us Telluride Jazz Festival concert tickets - she won them from NPR and David is unable to go. So we are staying in the condo she won with her and Cullyn and G and L and I will partake of some jazz all weekend - I can't wait! That is in 3 weeks.

We then drove home and had a pretty typical night - watching L play, tucking him in and then watching a B & W movie, one of our favorite things to do on those rare nights where we don't have anything to do after we tuck L in.

Nice, nice.

New York and Connecticut Photos

Here some of the photos from the wedding festivities. Up top a photo of An and I at the brunch the day before the wedding. Also a photo of Suzanne (another bridesmaid and a dear friend) and Antares (the bride!) and me. Next we have Suzanne and me again (right after finishing the choreography for Thriller) and my son at the wedding. As you can see, he is steps away from a mental breakdown. Or maybe you can't see that. But I can. Next is An in her wedding dress that only An can pull off! And then there is Reba and I (another close friend and bridesmaid) and then my three beautiful "Texans" - Becky, Estelle and Suzanne - and me. It was so great to be a part of a bridal party where 4 out of the other 6 bridesmaids were close friends of mine. And the other 2 became friends during the weekend. What a trip!

Pennsylvania Photos

OK, pictures as promised from our June trip. These are taken on my grandmother's lot on the lake. I will post the NY/CT pictures separately.

May.... July Part Two

So, where was I? Oh, yes.... Dad fell off a stepstool and all hell broke loose. Just as this nightmare seemed to be winding down, my 97-year-old grandmother's health started to fail. She lives in Lake Ariel, PA, 30 minutes outside of Scranton. She refused to eat and dropped to 85 pounds. Things seemed to improve a bit when her sister in law brought her raspberry yogurt which she loved. But then... mom got the call. The call to come home. Immediately. My parents and my sister and nephew booked a flight out for Saturday morning (Thursday night was when they received the call). Friday was excruciating. The whole day I was just willing my grandma to hang in there until her daughter was by her side. On Friday, late afternoon, my worry began to ease a bit. My mom was almost home. And then I got the call. From my parents, saying the worst had happened. My grandmother was gone. Yes, my Grandma Phyllis was 97 years old. But nobody wants to lose their mother whether they are 10 years old or 70 years old, and my mom is no different. This loss devastated her, and even more so was the fact that she didn't make it in time and that her mom was asking for her. After experiencing all of this, it makes me that much more fearful of ever having to live far away from my own parents.

My mom and dad came to our house on Friday night to spend the night before heading out to Pennsylvania the next day. My mom said she refused to feel guilty because she had spent months at a time with her mother, at times when her mom needed her most.

Greg and I had an extra day to get ready and we flew out on Monday. Coincidentally, we were already flying to Hartford, CT on Wednesday because I was going to be in my friend's wedding in CT on Saturday. And randomly, Hartford is only 3 hours away from Lake Ariel. So Greg and I flew in 2 days early and were able to keep our return trip the same. Very freaky that the timing and the geography worked out like they did.

The trip with Landon was OK. I would give him a B-. A little whiny and he didn't nap until 45 minutes before we were ready to land (the trip was 4 hours), but no full out tantrums and we didn't get applause when we were leaving the plane, so I think we did fine. We got the rental car, spent 1 hour watching the attendant install the carseat and were on our way. The drive to PA was beautiful and we actually had a really good drive. Although there is NO fast food other than McDonald's in the whole state of CT, FYI.

The next 3 days were spent with family on my mom's side. It was so GREAT to be there. First of all, this town is amazing. Idyllic. Beautiful. It used to be quite the resort getaway and is still a great place to be. We hung out on my grandmother's screened in porch while wellwishers brought us food and condolences. It reminded me of a book I just finished "This is Where I Leave You" about a family grieving their patriarch. I got to have great conversations with my mom's twin brother and his wife, my grandmother's sister and her husband and her brother and his wife. And a lot of extended family. Every day, we would make the trip to the adjoining town, Hamlin, to go to the library so we could check in with work. THis was the only place with WiFi that we could find! We ate Chinese for lunch. We had cocktails all day. We played with Landon. We looked out over the lake. We explored this little town that held so many memories. My mom grew up here, her parents owned a "department store" (more like a five and dime store) that they lived above and they walked across the street to school each day. It was so nice to hear stories and really get to know this whole side of my family. It is heartbreaking that I didn't know more before, and that it had to take a death to bring us all together which spurred by interest in my genealogy.

The funeral was everything it should be. A chance for people to come together. A chance for my mother to say goodbye. I have never felt so protective of my mom. When she couldn't get through what she wanted to say to everyone, to thank everyone who took care of her mom since she was so far away, I wanted to run to her and hold her. When she was in line to see her mother for the last time and she started shaking with sobs, I did run to her and I hugged her and I held her while she said "Bye, Mom." At the burial, it started raining so we were out of our cars for all of 60 seconds before running back to escape the torrential downpour. A few people said that this was just like Grandma Phyllis, getting people to stop mourning already and go eat and celebrate her life!

Which we did. There was a big lunch at this small, worn event place that my mom arranged. Very small town venue and just perfect. Then we went home. Greg and I packed up for our trip into NYC. On our way out, Dad drove us by the cemetery again so we could get a good look at all of our ancestors buried there since it had stopped raining. There were many names I recognized, and again, I had so much regret that I didn't spend more time in this town when I was younger..... when my grandmother's 5 siblings were all alive and living in the area. I am fascinated by these people and wish I knew more about them. The good news for me I guess is that most of the headstones we looked at all had dates indicating that all these people lead long lives - most were in their 90's when they died. Good genes!

We drove to NYC and I just broke down crying on the cartrip - I didn't want to leave - I wanted to soak all of this in. And it was hard knowing that I might not be back for awhile, if ever. My grandma was the reason we spent time in this town and now she is gone.

One sidenote, Greg was amazing through all of this. He loved getting to know everyone and he also wants to know more about this town and this side of my family. And we have decided that we want to live here. But don't worry - we want to live in about 8 other places, too. And I doubt none of these will happen for a long time!

We got to NYC, parked, checked into the hotel and had a pizza dinner in the room. The next morning Greg had breakfast with a friend of his before he became a single parent for the next 2 days. I joined my girlfiends for a prewedding brunch in Hell's Kitchen. Loved the restaurant taht we went to that is managed by a former drum corps acquaintance. It is called VNYL. Total throwback to divas (they had a Dolly Parton bathroom, a Cher bathroom, etc.) We then drove into CT in rush hour traffic and the traffic was so bad that we missed the rehearsal. But the rehearsal dinner was great. It was a Greek theme and so yummy. Greg and Landon left after the dinner and I had to learn the Thriller dance (which we were required to perform at the reception) and helped with a number of wedding tasks.

I have to say, after this day, I MISSED my boys. I always love breaks from my son and I get them OFTEN because my husband kicks ass, but I craved time with them.

That was not to be for the next 24 hours because of the wedding and reception. Landon's no schedule, no naps, constant car rides, late bedtimes, early wakeups and decreased nursing finally caught up with him and he had a meltdown at the reception. Greg had to take him back to the hotel room for the remainder of the day.

Another sidenote that I may need preserved for posterity..... after the wedding, we were told to go straight to the reception which was 1 1/2 hours away (the wedding was 1 1/2 hours away from the hotel as well). Landon needed to be fed, and I didn't want to miss the Grand Entrance with the bridesmaids that we were to be a part of, but Landon was hungry. So what did I do? I unzipped my dress in the car in the middle of driving down 95 in the middle of a Sat in CT, dangled a boob down so Landon could feed while in his carseat. Yes, I got looks. But I didn't know what else to do! I had to feed him and I didn't think I had time to pull over! This is only the second nightmare nursing situation I have been in (the first was sitting on a toilet in the bathroom of the restaurant that we had my office Christmas party at), so I guess I am doing OK. Of course, when we got to the reception site we were told that the party van containing many of the wedding party had stopped to get liquor and had taken the ferry and that they weren't going to be arriving at the reception for an hour, so I could have pulled off for a nice leisurely nurse. Lovely.

Anyway, after the reception, Greg and Landon and I took a much needed dip in the pool with Landon and my dear friend Reba who was also a bridesmaid. And then the 4 of us ordered pizza in the room and just chilled and talked. She is pregnant so she was the other bridesmaid that wasn't up to the full on party schedule that the rest of the wedding party observed.

It was a chaotic 2 days, but it was great to see all my other bridesmaid friends (Suzanne from FL, Estelle and Becky from TX and Reba from Vegas). And of course it was great to be a part of Antares' big day. We have been pen pals since we were 15 (crazy, we have never even lived in the same state!) and I was honored that she asked me to stand up with her.

The next day was the last day of our trip. My parents had called and asked us to come back to Lake Ariel (yep, 3 more hours) so we could pick out some furniture of my Grandma's to have. We drove back (again, BEAUTIFUL drive) and picked out some things an then we went to dinner with my parents. A little stressful getting there but it was a great dinner. And it was a favorite of my grandmother's so I felt really at peace being there. And Landon got to eat off of my plate - Chicken Scampi. Yum!

We drove (all together now, 3 MORE HOURS) back to Hartford, arriving after midnight. We checked into the hotel, had a brief rest, woke up, returned the rental car, got on a plane and flew back home.

8 days. 1,100 miles in a rental car. Party vans. Brunches. Family. Friends. Choreography. Small towns. Big cities. Landon's first pool, lake, dinner eating off of my plate, his third tooth, and his first wedding and funeral.

Below are some pictures of the trip.

Do you see why I haven't blogged in awhile? The craziness that was my June prohibited anything other than just getting through it. But we did, and I am proud of our little family for surviving intact!

May.... July? Part One

Where did June go?

Wow. What a summer so far. In a quick attempt to catch everyone up........ here is what we have been up to for the past few weeks.

PART ONE
My father attempted to scale his kitchen counter to change a lightbulb back in May. The stepstool pushed out from under him and down he went, breaking his shoulder in several places. He needed major surgery, and the day after his surgery, against the doctor's advice, he checked out to go home because "the hospital bed wasn't comfortable". Mom gets him home, he starts blacking out, she can't move him anywhere and makes him lean up against a bookcase while she goes to get a folding chair so that he can sit down right where he was standing and then she calls Linda and I in tears saying "get here now". Now, my parents live over 2 hours away but Linda and I packed up as soon as we could and drove to Buena Vista. In the meantime, she called the hospital (30 minutes away), a home health nurse came and checked his vitals and based on her assessments, he was sent back to the hospital in an ambulance. Linda in her car (with Cullyn) and Greg and Landon and I each spent a harrowing trip driving to BV. At one point, after my sister arrived at the hospital and I was still about 30 minutes away, she told me to "hurry" meaning that she didn't think Dad looked good at all and was afraid of the worst. When we arrived at the hospital, he seemed to be in good spirits and the situation didn't seem as dire. We stayed for the next 2 days, shuttling my mom back and forth to the hospital and eventually checking him out and settling him at home. For the next few weeks, my mom took care of him accompanied by Occupational Therapists, Physical Therapists, home health nurses, RNs, etc. He is now very much on the mend but for a couple of days there, my mind definitely wandered to the worst case scenarios. The possibility of blood clots, pneumonia, etc. all of which could be life threatening.

I guess all of us at this age begin to think about the horrible thoughts..... how life will be without our parents, etc. I am not ready for that for a long time. I am just glad that everything turned out OK.

There was one good thing that came out of all this. I was able to be there for my mom like she has been there for me all my life, especially since Landon was born. We drove home from the hospital in her car the day that Greg and I had to leave and I was able to give her advice..... she was completely overwhelmed with Dad, with Tuffy (he needs surgery and is on pills to get his liver values where they need to be to operate), with her 97 year old mother's failing health and the very real possibility that she would need to make a last minute trip out there in the near future, etc. I talked to her about tackling things. Every day, do what you need to do or what you want to do but don't worry about the stuff you feel you should do. I tried to get her to take at least 15 minutes a couple times a day for herself - reading a book, etc. And focus only on the immediate next step of any of her concerns - Tuffy, Dad and her mom. We had a really good talk in that 30 minute car ride. I feel like I am taking care of her a bit. I think I was able to help her feel a little less overwhelmed.

Greg and I came back two more times in one week - one to help her to get Dad back home and one the following weekend to bring her food and help her with the day to day duties.

It felt good to be there for my Mom. And it feels good to have dodged the worst case scenario by a long shot - so many other things could have gone wrong, including the fact that my Dad's head could have been the first thing to hit the tile floor rather than his tailbone and then his elbow. Yes, I think about the what ifs constantly. I just have to thank my lucky stars above that things are better now.

Part Two of the crazy last 6 weeks coming soon. Tomorrow. Promise!

It's On My List

OK, people. I am back. Much to discuss, which is probably why I haven't blogged in a few weeks. I find that the more and more I have to write about, the harder it gets to sit down and do it - which means that I wait longer, than have more to write about......then feel more overwhelmed at the thought of doing all the catch up blogging.

There should be several posts in the next few days on random topics - trust me, they are bouncing around in my head waiting for me to SIT DOWN AND WRITE.

For the past couple of nights, I have gone to bed at my usual time only to not be able to fall asleep. This is SO not me. I can fall asleep in under 60 seconds - honestly. But 2 nights ago, I came out to the computer and had to be lulled asleep by Glee clips on Hulu and last night I had to read for 40 minutes. And then I was still agitated a bit so I decided to write down EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE that I need to get done and keep putting off. Yes, I know the word.... procrastination. I called this list the STOP PROCRASTINATING list. I just went down an Excel spreadsheet listing everything I could come up with. Small things and big things. Finishing Devil in the White City from April's book club. Finishing Tipping Point from May's book club. Getting batteries in Landon's favorite toy. Catching up in his baby book. Researching travel restrictions with a baby (i.e. can I bring breastmilk on a plane in a carry on without (gag) having to taste it in front of TSA officers?). Booking all of our hotels for our trip and figuring out if I can swap my Marriott points with a coworker's Hilton points so we can stay at the Homewood Suites with the rest of the wedding party. Researching college accounts. Getting to my goal number of reunions for this year (I need three more!). Starting to check things off of Landon's Summer Reading Program list. And then there are the silly things like finish the Grey's Anatomy Season Finale on Hulu and buy cute flip flops. I wrote down everything I needed to do from the short term things that can be done today to the long term things that probably won't get finished until Landon goes to college (i.e. organize my gazillion photos). And one of the things I wrote on my list, which ended up amounting to 109 items......BLOG.

So, here I am, checking something off of my list. The great thing is that this blog is something I enjoy doing. Of course, I can already see what is about to happen. I will get all of the enjoyable fun things off of my list and then a few months from now, I will be cursing the fact that I STILL haven't fixed the damn towel rod in the bathroom or stopped the water in the master tub from dripping. Damn leaky pipes.

That is all for now, I am off to check off another item - 100 item procrastination list, here I come!

TV Loves

Today's post is dedicated to everything I love currently on television. Here goes:

- I don't know which is more upsetting - that it is close enough to the series finale of LOST that I can cue it up to record on my TiVo, or the fact that I am devastated by this fact. It is too soon! I am not ready to say goodbye! This show premiered when G was just a twinkle in my eye, and now here we are 6 years later! We have watched every episode at least twice and it has been fun to theorize about it. I am so sad for it to be over! There has never been a show like this for me. As a friend says, every time a show goes off the air, she feels like she is saying goodbye to friends. Judge me all you want, but I feel this way too. I just KNOW that I would be BFFs with the LOSTies...... (sigh). And I will so miss that crazy island.

- As a former Glee Club member, Glee is running a close second for my favorite show. Every song they sing (except for a few in the "Home" show) is a favorite of mine. It is like they are sneaking a look at my iPod. I love that they turn geeky into cool and that this mix of high school outcasts is getting their time to shine. The writers do an excellent job of making each character stand out. And how great is it that Matthew Morrison has made out with BOTH stars of Wicked? Kristen and Edina would also be my BFFs by the way. Especially Edina since we had baby boys on the same day. I love the fact that Glee is hurting American Idol's ratings because people are starting to tune out to AI because they are seeing how ensemble songs can really be performed. AI is so last decade. :)

- Have I not cried during any of the last three seasons of Biggest Loser? Nope. Alison Sweeney.....also a BFF. I am sure that perhaps by now you think that I need more friends in real life - I do have many friends, I swear! Anyway, that show gets me every time. A reality show that for the most part shows people at their best - who knew? It is so great to see the transformation through the weeks. And I love Jillian Michaels - she is the brunette doppelganger of a former instructor of mine, complete with the screaming and yelling and also the love and support. Anyway. I am pulling for Daris. He is an Okie like me and I love this guy!

- Amazing Race - I am in a pool with some friends and friends/relatives of friends where we bet on the last team to finish each week and it has been so fun this year. Especially toward the end when we "fixed it" so that we were guaranteed a Colorado win. No, we didn't cheat. We just strategized as a 4some on how to vote to ensure one of us wins. I came in 2nd for the 2nd time in a row. As my friend A (who is in the pool with me) says, "I know how to pick losers". Yes, it isn't Fantasy Football or March Madness, but it keeps it interesting. G and I watch this one together and I now have some ideas of where we can vacation when we win the Powerball! Dubai, anyone?

- Cougar Town - Yes, the title is a bit offputting. But this show, along with Modern Family, is HILARIOUS. Yep, another BFF on this show - Ellie played by Christa Miller. She is genius. I looked her up on imdb to see what else I could watch her in - and did you know she was on Kate and Allie? The ensemble is getting it more and more right every week. I so hope they don't cancel this show. If you aren't watching it, do. And before you do, call Nielsen and ask for a settop box so you can be a TV ratings household. Thank you very much.

- Lastly, I just want to give a shout out to my girl Betty. I am a sucker for the three GGs - Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl, but above all else, GOLDEN GIRLS. I not so secretly hope that I get to live with my three besties in a condo in Miami in my golden years, sashaying around in my mumu. Greg can stay there too. ANYWAY, I watch Golden Girls on Hallmark all the time and it makes me think of my grandma. When I heard about the facebook campaign for Betty to come onto SNL, I was so excited! I watched it this weekend and she did great. The one thing I didn't like (which is probably everyone else's favorite bit) was the death metal rendition of Thank You For Being a Friend. Some things are too sacred to parody. Here's to Betty, may the campaign to get you on Dancing with the Stars go as successfully! And if not, I can always catch your new sitcom on TV Land. You go, girl!

Mother, Mother

Ah, Mother's Day. Gives me a chance to title my post with the name of one of my favorite songs.... or at least a song that brings me back to me early 20's when I had a little bit of angst.

This weekend has been great.

My parents came to Denver Friday afternoon so my mom and I could go to Afternoon Tea at the Brown Palace, my Mother's Day gift to her. We rode the lightrail and I think she enjoyed feeling "cosmopolitan". The tea was great - if you have never been to the Brown Palace for tea before, save your pennies so you can go. The scones are delish, the tea sandwiches are SO yummy (curry egg salad - who knew??), and of course the desserts are out of this world. Oh, and make sure to get the extra tray of tea sandwiches - they are free - and you can always box them up to go. I figure if you are spending an arm and a leg to feel cultured, the least you can do is get a full stomach, right? We got Kir Royales and talked and laughed. It was so great. Definitely something on my bucket list to do for my mom. We decided to have a drink at one of my favorite little bars downtown, Harry's, before heading home on the lightrail.

Saturday was pretty relaxed. G went for a bike ride with two friends, my parents ran a couple errands and had Cullyn time, and I just hung out. At 5, we went over to my sister's for cocktails and then the 4 of us (my parents, G and I) ordered takeout at Tuk Tuk and had a great casual dinner at home. G and I wanted to make them dinner but the cocktail hour wouldn't allow it, and who am I to pass up a cocktail? We watched a little TV before bed and I just felt relaxed and cozy. There is something about watching TV with your parents before bed that makes you feel like a kid again, which I love.

Today, we went to brunch at Park Hill Golf Course. I just have to give a thumbs up to that place - this is where 4 of my friends and I took golf lessons a few years back, and we still love going there to golf or hit balls. I got on the golf course's e-mail list and a couple years ago, we tried their brunch. This place is great. You can make reservations the night before, it is never crowded, and the food is great. And it is a huge room with not a lot of tables which means plenty of space to go back and forth to the buffet 8 times. Don't judge - 4 were for the kids. A breakfast spread, carving stations, great desserts (today they had someone preparing Bananas Foster). It is 9 at night and G and I are just now hungry after gorging ourselves on this buffet for 1 1/2 hours at 10:30a. Anyway, we went back to Linda's to celebrate Evi's 3rd birthday. As chaotic as our family events are, I always feel great after a day with everyone. We came home and Mom and dad left. G and I have been hanging out and relaxing.

G has been wonderful. He bought my mom and I an Edible Arrangement yesterday morning (fruit and chocolate - I have been craving one of these bouquets for awhile), he gave me very nice cards (one from him and one from Landon) and he respected my wish to NOT go out tonight because I am on eating out overload. Plus he has been his usual self which is more than enough of a Mother's Day present. OK, gag. I know.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers in my life. Put your feet up and toast yourself. Or get toasted. Or eat toast. Whatever.

Happiness

I read a lot of parenting books. At some point in a future blog, I will list the books that have really helped me navigate through this journey. Some are probably very familiar and some you have probably never heard of.

One book I am reading right now is "Must Have Mom Manual" by Sara Ellington and Stephanie Triplett. It is an interesting concept - these two women are friends but very different - one chose to breastfeed, one didn't. One returned to work, one didn't. One coslept with her baby, one didn't. Throughout the book they play off each other and sometimes even try to counter the other one's opinions. It is an interesting book - not one of my top five parenting books I have read, but worth my time.

I just finished reading the "You Don't Have to be Perfect" chapter and this chapter resonated with me more than perhaps any other chapter in the book. Here is an excerpt:

"Recent studies show that success and even wealth do not necessarily determine happiness. In fact, research reveals that the happiest people surround themselves with family and friends, don't care about keeping up with the Joneses next door, lose themselves in daily activities and, ost importantly, forgive easily......

The happiest people spend the least time alone. They pursue personal growth and intimacy; they judge themselves by their own yardsticks, never against what others do or have.

Materialism is toxic for happiness. Even rich materialists aren't as happy as those who have lower incomes and care less about getting and spending.....

Another study states, 'Topping the list of needs that appear to bring happiness are autonomy (feeling that your activities are self-chosen and self-endorsed), competence (feeling that you are effective in your activities), relatedness (feeling a sense of closeness with others) and self-esteem.'"

I think this chapter is really interesting. I know I at times want things that I think will make me happier. I want to get the hell out of this condo and move into a house. I want to have a newer this or a better that. But I know that these types of things won't make me truly happy. Sitting on the back steps with my child and watching the world go by make me happy. The three of us singing silly songs and dancing around makes me happy (you should hear some of the stuff G and I make up). Going on walks and reading books and (yes, judge me if you must) watching a really GOOD TV show or movie with my husband makes me happy. And I can do any of this in our condo just as easily as in a new shiny house.

The chapter goes on to discuss an article titled "In Praise of the Average Child", discussing that your child doesn't have to be gifted to be successful, and to be proud of who your child is rather than what he or she earns on tests or how he or she plays a sport. It talks about parents who live vicariously through their child and how wanting your child to have a better life than you is fairly normal, but if your self-worth lies in your children's accomplishments, that borders on psychotic.

This seems like common sense - love who your child is, not what he or she can do. And I am sure it is easy in theory. But in practice? I was a straight A student at the top of my class - I will admit that it is going to be hard for me if Landon struggles in school. I will have to watch myself with this one. But I can't help but think that I will look at my son and be amazed by who he has grown into, regardless of his strengths and weaknesses. And if I don't, I always have G to snap me back in line.

Simply the Best

This weekend was a flurry of events (as most of our weekends have become) - 1st birthday party, 30 year birthday party, LOST watching with friends, book club, etc. I love our weekends that are packed with friends and family even though we don't get much done at home - but that is OK!

I just want to thank my husband for letting me have two nights out in a row with no curfew. He rocks the bedtime routine with Landon and encourages me to go out and have a life that includes events just for me (just as I encourage him to do the same).

I feel recharged and ready to face the week because I was able to connect with friends as a person, not as a mommy. I was able to engage in conversations without worrying about my son, because I know my husband has GOT THIS as he puts it.

Thank you.

Something More Than Coincidence

I will take this opportunity while Landon is in his 13th consecutive hour of straight sleep (for the first time in his life, mind you) to check in with this blog.

Much to write about, but most of my thoughts will have to be put off for another day.

However, there is one thing that I have to write about.

I am not much of a believer in coincidences being "fate" or "acts of God" or what have you. However, at book club last night, I brought up my good friend B who passed away in 1999. It was hard for my entire group of friends, and I was especially affected because we had been very close and I had lived with her family for 3 summers while I was in drum corps. Anyway, I don't talk about her very much but I do think of her often. Anyway, last night she came up in the context of another story I was telling. It was nice to say her name and think about her when in the company of friends.

After book club, I dropped C off at her house and drove home by myself. I happened to turn the radio to a country station (I am not a big country fan and have it on my dial for the occasional song that I recognize). It was the CMT country countdown and right as I started listening, they played a song from a new artist called "Lover, Lover." Whoa. B and I had a vast repertoire of songs for all of our car rides and we would sing and laugh and dance in the car. This happened to be one of those songs. "Lover, Lover" was originally recorded by Sonia Dada in the early 90's and it is a great tune - very catchy and easy to sing along to. Hearing this "countrified" version brought back so many memories and I sang at the top of my lungs while speeding down I-25 on the way home. How random that a song that practically nobody has ever heard of just HAPPENED to get remade into a contemporary tune and I just HAPPENED to hear it just 60 minutes after I had talked about my sweet friend.

Again, I don't often attribute those types of situations to "something from above", but I couldn't help but think of B sending a shout out to me from the giant DJ booth in the sky. :)

I miss you, B.

Mother Connections

A couple of years ago, I registered myself with a market research company, Fieldwork (http://www.fieldwork.com/). Because I am out of the advertising field, this is one small way for me to feel connected with my career of the past. And the cash in your pocket at the end of each session doesn't hurt either. It is a company that works on behalf of thousands of brands, asking questions to "test subjects" in order to determine product preference, thoughts about products, the feasibility of a new product launch, etc. Before this last week, I had done two focus groups, one on cottage cheese and one on environmentally safe cleaning products.

This past week I was called in to talk about baby nutrition. I talked with 7 other new moms about breastfeeding, bottlefeeding, solid foods, etc. This sounds, especially to non parents, dreadfully dull. And if that was all that we really talked about, it probably would have been. But it was an incredibly insightful 2 1/2 hours.

A lot of bigger picture discussions were brought into play after we had "warmed up" to each other. How our lives are SO much different than our mothers' lives. In good ways and bad. We loved that we all really felt like we had a choice whether to work or stay at home. We liked that products are being designed with baby's safety in mind (i.e. carseats, etc.) But of course, this is a double edged sword as sometimes it seems as if everything is a danger and that we are constantly worried about everything - if I don't provide organic baby food to my child, will that harm him or her in the long run? If I don't have the most expensive scientifically designed carseat, will my child be worse off in a car crash? We are definitely in a society that uses fear to motivate. Working in advertising for 11 years, I know that MANY very effective ad campaigns are fear driven. And mothers, especially first time mothers, are ripe for the picken' in terms of being manipulated by this kind of advertising.

Another thing that was heavily discussed was the fact that we have SO many more choices and so many more ways to get information than our mothers. A great example in my life was the first night Landon came home with us from the hospital. Greg and I were set on my breastfeeding exclusively, so other than sterilizing some bottles, we hadn't really educated ourselves on bottle feeding that much. Since Landon was losing a little more weight than he should have, we had to supplement with formula for a few days. And I was having to pump to get my milk supply up so that we could hopefully exclusively breastfeed in the future. Well, we had no idea what we were doing. How do we warm bottles up? If I pump two separate times, can I combine the bottles? How long can breastmilk be stored? Greg and I were on the computer round the clock looking questions up. This definitely was a good thing, as we were so stressed (and sleep deprived) that having these questions answered seems to us victories, however small. But on the flip side, every question we asked, no matter how black and white it originally seemed, was met with so many different answers depending on what source we looked at. The internet is a beautiful thing, especially during those winter months when Landon was a newborn and swine flu was in full "go" mode and I was more or less confined to the house and I wanted to feel connected to the outside world. But in many ways, the internet causes confusion with the dizzying amount of different answers and different choices out there. As one very eloquent mother put it, "There are so many things (internet included) that are telling mothers how to parent which can be good but at the same time can atrophy a mother's intuition." I have been getting much better at trying to use my intuition when I can - I want to be able to infer what Landon needs because I know him so well. The internet can be a great tool, but it shouldn't be the end all be all.

So, at the end of all this discussion, 8 former strangers talked about staying in touch as a support group. It was great to hear about other mothers' struggles and successes. I learned that I have it EASY when it comes to Landon's feeding after I heard about all the colic, allergy issues and illnesses that have plagued other mothers and their babies. I also felt pretty on track with where we are as a family in terms of Landon's nutrition (i.e. how we are feeding, what we are feeding, how often we are feeding, etc.). I learned (or really just reaffirmed) that I have a rock star husband (I was one of only 2 women whose husband not only goes halvsies on feeding Landon solid foods but also does a lot of the making of the food... OK, who am I kidding, he makes about 90% of it). And I learned that as vital as the internet is, I can do this parenting thing with a little less reliance on it and a little more reliance on myself, my husband, my child and other mothers who have so much knowledge to tap into.

4/9/05

So, as I said yesterday, today is our 5 year anniversary - kind of. I remember when we got married - I was sad that we had to reset to zero after having been together for 2 1/2 years. So that is probably why I still remember the date of our first date. And of course it doesn't hurt that it is the anniversary of my close friend's wedding. (Happy Anniversary to C & J today!) Yes, that is right, my first date with Greg was to my close friend's wedding. And I was in the wedding party. And he had to sit at the head table. No pressure. Here is a picture of our first date..... he looks comfortable, yes? I think by this point, alcohol had cured him of any nervousness he may have felt.

My sister was also at this wedding and I remember as the night progressed and the cocktails kept flowing, she wanted to dance with him (should have known that wasn't a good idea), and while they were dancing, she asked him what his intentions toward me were. Now, if you know my sister, you know that she was asking just to embarrass him.... and me! And it worked! But he took it in stride, thank goodness.

So yes, I asked him to be my date to a wedding in which he would have to fly halfway across the country, barely knowing the bride and groom (but he actually knew a lot of people at the wedding because we ran somewhat in the same circle of friends, again long story), sitting at the head table with me. Yikes. I actually had to do a couple of shots before I summoned up the nerve to invite him. I was so worried that he would say no. But he said yes, and the rest is history!

I love you, G. Thanks for skipping classes, turning right, plunging into an uncomfortable situation and handling my sister very well! I hope it was worth it to you! :)

Forget all your cares so go.... DOWNTOWN!

Greg and I are going out alone at night for the first time since Landon was born! Woohoo! This is actually the third time that both of us have been away from him - the first outing was for Greg's Christmas party (OK, so I guess that was technically our first night out) and the second outing was to see Avatar a couple of months ago, but that was a day outing.

We are going DOWNTOWN and drinking WINE and celebrating a friend's birthday as well as our 5 year anniversary of being a couple.

Thanks to Greg's amazing sister Becky for coming to our rescue to watch Landon tomorrow night. Hopefully her job will be an easy one since we are tucking Landon in before we head out, and he is usually a pretty good sleeper. I can't believe I am leaving the house after 8 to go downtown. That was my MO just a few years ago, but I am now officially a fuddy duddy so I feel all chic and hip that I am going out that late! I might (gasp) wear heels! And a shirt without baby food on it that is actually buttoned right! Oh the excitement! More later!

The Hills Are Alive....

Life is good.

I get to spend the afternoon with my mama while my dad runs errands. They are in town today and will be heading out to Pennsylvania tomorrow (driving, natch) to spend my Grandma Phyllis's 97th birthday with her. Yep - 97. And she lived on her own until this past October.

We are all (my parents, Greg and Landon and I and my sister and her family) eating dinner out tonight. I never thought I would get this excited about going to Sweet Tomatoes.

The weather this week has definitely improved my overall blah feeling. I am so glad it is spring and can't wait for a few months of nice weather. I have walked to Jill's house twice to spend time with her and her boys, Landon has gone to the park and had his first real swing ride (he loves them - he is very vocal about his excitement, too!).

I have been spending more time with my girlfriends lately which also puts me in a better mood. Amy came over for dinner last night, Andrea came over for dinner a couple weeks ago, I spent the day with Cristy last week and of course I am seeing Jill a lot too. I saw Angela yesterday at Jill's.

There is just something amazing about this time of year - people come out of hiding and everyone's social lives seem to get a kick start. Birds are chirping, I can wear cute pants (why do I feel that all my winter pants are frumpy and all my summer pants are cute?), there just seems to be more to enjoy!

Landon is sleeping SO much better lately. I shouldn't even blog about it because I feel like I will jinx it. He now goes to bed like a champ at 8:30p every night and has been waking up consistenly anywhere from 5a-7a. Then I feed him and he goes back down until about 8a-10a. It is now 10:41 and he is STILL ASLEEP. Like all first time moms, I have checked to make sure he is breathing.

Alright, I will end this Pollyanna post. I am sure my next post I will be pulling my hair out and saying how much life sucks or something. The bipolarity of motherhood.

Happy April, everyone!

Speechless

So, Greg and I went to his coworker's party last night. It was a good time although we didn't know anyone other than Greg's coworker and his wife. But I have to say, sometimes we enjoy those types of situations - it forces us to get out of our comfort zone and make conversation with people we don't know. We brought Landon and he did pretty well. Having him there is great for two reasons - 1) Whenever we felt awkward not talking to anyone, we could concentrate on Landon and 2) He is a great conversation starter. However, one very brief conversation was even more awkward BECAUSE of Landon. So, as everyone knows, Landon has a big noggin. My boss even calls him Charlie Brown, and I have to say, I quite agree with that nickname - he has a big bald head with a couple curliques on top. Anyway, some man entered into a conversation that Greg and I were having with his coworker and I will try to recreate it....
Greg's Coworker: "He's a big boy! Look at that noggin!"
Greg and I: (random statements of agreement and smiles)
Random Man at Party: "I am sure it wasn't fun pushing that head out!"
Crickets chirping.
I felt like the room went silent.
What do you say to that? I mean, with my friends, I could come up with some witty remark. But to him? I mean, we hadn't even been introduced! Now, I don't get offended easily, and I wasn't offended this time - I was just speechless. I had no idea how to counter. Funny thing is that I had a C-section, but did I really want to go into labor details with a random stranger? So the best I could come up with was an exaggerated eye roll and a comment like "You don't even know!" or something to that effect. And then I figured that the conversation about my girl parts needed to end and we went into another room for more small talk with strangers.

Loving It

This morning may be the most perfect morning I have had in months..... if you don't count weekend mornings which are always so much better than weekday mornings.

I am still basking in the afterglow of the most perfect St. Patty's Day meal given to me by my husband, given to him by his awesome workplace. Best corned beef I have ever had. Soda bread. Boiled potatoes. Carrots. Cabbage (which I usually don't eat, but I figured if it is going to give me extra luck this year, bring it on). And the most yummy chocolate mousse which I know is not Irish, but it is chocolate mousse which means it is OK to eat for dessert on any holiday.

Landon slept THROUGH the night people. As most of you know, he hasn't slept through the night since he was 3 months old. He was quite the sleeper as a newborn and we thought we had this sleeping thing IN THE BAG. Then came 4 month sleep regression (yes, it is an actual phenomenon - google it), and our nights haven't been the same since. But we put him down at 8:15 and Greg woke me up, not Landon. WOOHOO! Landon finally woke up at 6:45. I fed him and put him back down in the crib for his last morning stint and he is asleep again - probably won't be up until 10am. That is one of my favorite things about my boy - he sleeps in!

Came out to the "home office" (read: dining room) and began my workday. Sometimes Landon sleeps better next to me in our bed for the last couple of hours of his sleep in the morning, but he crashed in the crib and so I am WORKING.

I get a call. From a group in Chicago. I had called them yesterday (cold call) to see if they need any help planning their reunion. It looks like A (I think I should refer to people not in my family by first initials to protect the innocent, doncha think?) called them back in August and hadn't heard back from them, so when I was leaving a voicemail for them yesterday I was thinking that this was SO a long shot because they probably already have their reunion planned by now. She (the prospect) called me back (that in itself is a rarity) and said that yes, she needs help because she hasn't started planning and feels guilty about it. Excuse me, WHAT? Did I just hear you correctly? She said she would sign up today and just to e-mail her the information. Umm, OK. Seriously? For those of you who don't know, I work on commission. Exclusive commission. So when this kind of thing happens, it is like I just won the lottery a bit. Worked for 15 minutes on this group and made about 3 days' worth of pay. NICE.

So then I go to log onto our server to send her information, and I can't get on. ABout 4 times a week our server crashes and my boss has to reboot. Which wouldn't be the end of the world except that it typically happens on nights and weekends when nobody is working except me, and I have to use my nights and weekends very wisely because sometimes that is the bulk of my workweek, especially when Landon has been very needy.

So, that was a minor setback. But I realized that it was only about 45 minutes until office hours when I know the server will be rebooted. Which means...... I GET TO SURF ON THE COMPUTER FOR 45 MINUTES WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY THAT I AM NOT WORKING. I have caught up on the blogs I follow, had a dose of salacious celebrity gossip (Sandra and Jesse breaking up???), made some coffee which I almost never do because it takes up 4 minutes of precious before-Landon-wakes-up worktime, and now have written this post. True decadence.

Then, I get ANOTHER call. From another long shot prospect who is also going to be able to Chair the reunion committee and can sign up to begin, hopefully today. WHA? Am I actually getting these calls? Am I still asleep and dreaming? This one little morning is getting even for the crappy sales months of January and February.

I am hoping that the rest of the morning will play out like this: server will be rebooted here shortly, I will send the information to my prospects, they will send contracts back and become clients, at 9a I have my conference call with A (in Chicago) and R (in Phoenix) the two other Salespeople/Planners at our company and we will motivate each other and share our successes, Landon will wake up at 10am right as our call is ending and I will feed him while watching the View. Ahhhhhh. But even if this last paragraph doesn't happen as I hope, it has still be a truly WONDERFUL morning.

HAPPY THURSDAY!

The Best Thing About Not Being Pregnant on St. Patrick's Day.....

Hello my old friend. I am so sorry I passed you over a year ago, but I am glad we have renewed our friendship.

Fascination

He has found it. If you are a mother of boys, you know exactly what I mean by that.

Alone Time

So, it is Monday night and this is my night flying solo with Landon while Greg gets his musician groove on with some high school buddies. Now that Landon actually has a bedtime (8:30p) and Greg doesn't get home until 10:30p, I have 2 hours of quiet. Sometimes I read, sometimes I check off things on my to do list, sometimes I work, sometimes I watch crap television which is what I am doing right now. Yes, I am watching the Bachelor wedding. Greg watches the Discovery Channel when he turns the TV on, and I watch a reality TV wedding. Opposites attract.... I guess the only thing remotely not embarrassing about this is that I am only half watching while writing this. Oh but don't even doubt that the grasshopper cookies are coming out as soon as I wrap this up so I can sit in rapt attention, watching the reality drivel. It is raining on them (Jason and Molly, don't tell me you didn't know their names) and I can't help but think back on our wedding day. I was so stressed about the weather, and we made it through the ceremony and most of the cocktail hour before it started raining, and the reception was indoors anyway. Got some great pictures, though. I have posted a couple - look at those bride-stressing clouds!

6 Months!

In the past 6 months, here are just some of the things that I have learned:
- That pureed carrots spark in the microwave
- That when you are blue, sometimes the best person to have around is your mother
- That nurses in the postpartum/recovery wing of the hospital are some of the most calming, reassuring and nurturing people on the planet
- That sometimes the best form of "me" time is reading a book in the car in my driveway after coming home from running errands while Landon sleeps blissfully in his carseat
- That it is possible to spend less than $50 on a baby in the first 6 months of his life if you have generous friends and family that provide hand me downs and if you ask for diapers for every present-giving holiday
- That crying and fussiness can be reassuring after 3 days' worth of sickness-induced lethargy
- That sometimes the best companion in the world is a little creature asleep on your lap
- That schedules and routines can be oddly comforting
- That my husband is one of the best human beings I have ever known
- That a shower can be the most relaxing 30 minutes of the day (yes, 30 minutes, I stretch out my showers these days!)
- That when things seem too easy, just wait a couple of weeks, something will change
- That funny faces and silly songs can be the funniest thing in the world to a baby
- That a green Soothie pacifier is worth its weight in gold
- That motherhood is demanding, relentless and intense
- That motherhood has been the best thing to happen to me in my life.

I love you, Landon. Thank you for being who you are and making my last 6 months a crazy, joyful ride!

Rules and How to Break 'Em

I have a feeling this kind of thing will happen more and more......

Sitting at the dinner table last week with Greg, eating leisurely, I looked over at Landon in his high chair watching us and commented on how nice it is that we now have four hands between the two of us to eat with. We haven't had that in almost 6 months. Landon started fussing (I should just never make comments like that, it seems to rock Landon's boat), and I made THE STATEMENT. "Landon just needs to understand that he is going to sit in his high chair until we are finished with dinner, and if he wants to fuss, fine, but he is going to stay put." I said this very decisively and felt proud of myself for laying down the law, for setting some tableside rules. At just that instant, Landon, with tears flowing by this point, reaches for me for the first time. With both arms. Little red face grubby with remnants of rice cereal and carrots, tears streaming down cheeks, with arms a reachin'.

I threw out my rule, barely 30 seconds old, to pick up my child. Yes, I am a softie. Yes, he is definitely learning how to manipulate me. But he REACHED. And I CAVED.

Issues

The only thing I have to say today is that Landon has been a blowout machine. 4 blowouts in 24 hours, 2 were when we weren't at home and it is just SO MUCH MORE FUN cleaning up after him when we are "on the town". Seriously, I am beginning to think his parts have been inverted because he is blowing up out of the top back of his diaper. I swear that every outfit he has will have the telltale yellow stain in the middle of the back. I have been slaving away with a washcloth and Dreft trying to keep up with prewashng all of his accidents before they go in the wash. Maybe someday I will find this humorous. Today, going through a full minipack of wipes and about 10 diapers, it isn't. And his first blowout was yesterday about 30 seconds before he met his first lady friend, Finnlay Richards (the daughter of a former coworker of mine, 4 days younger than Landon). Baby boy has no game. I hope he addresses these hygiene issues before he starts dating.

4 Weeks in a Morning

Today marks the one year anniversary of my first doctor's appointment when I was pregnant. Greg and I arrived at the OBGYN's office not knowing what to expect. We thought that we were 8 weeks along. Because of my "AMA" (Advanced Maternal Age, yes that is really what they call it), we were told that we could do testing for various birth defects when I was 12 weeks along. I had an internal ultrasound (yep, nobody fully explained what this was before I had it done, and I wish they had) and instead of Little Pea being in the 5mm range which is typical for 8 week old fetuses, he was 36mm. Which meant that I was in fact 12 weeks along. So instead of having 4 weeks to make the decision on testing, we had about 5 minutes. We decided to get the tests and there just happened to be an opening for an external ultrasound (which is a MUCH more pleasant experience) in a couple of hours. So off Greg and I went to McDonald's to get me some OJ to make the baby dance. I had two ultrasounds in 3 hours. And I progressed 4 weeks through my pregnancy in one morning. Which is nice because I was dreading another 4+ weeks of morning sickness, and the thought of having 4 weeks taken off of this miserable state made me happy. I will never forget that day for many reasons. How crazy that is has been a year already!

RSV..... SOS!

This picture says so much about how our last two weeks have been. Note the 3 different prescription medications, the Baby Tylenol, the kleenex. We have been a sick bay, that is for sure.

Every week since Landon was born, I have thanked my lucky stars that he has remained healthy. When he was two weeks old, we had a swine flu scare when we found out his cousin Cullyn had the swine flu and had been over to visit the day before he was diagnosed. I cried every day, just waiting for Landon to develop a fever and for us to have to rush him to the hospital. After 7 days passed and we were out of the woods, I was so happy. I felt so lucky that we had dodged what I am sure would have been a horrible situation. And the weeks passed. And the months. And him being sick started to occupy a very distant part of the worry center in my brain.

And then, hello RSV. So, this RSV thing. Never heard of it. I think most adults who aren't new parents have never heard of it. But it is a bronchial infection that is actually pretty common in little kids. Most kids get it before they turn 2, but of course the earlier they get it, the worse it can be.

Greg started feeling sick two Fridays ago, and then Landon came down with it as well. At first it was just runny nose and a cough, and I thought to myself "I got this!" as I patted myself on the back with how well I was coping with my son's first illness.

And then came Monday.

The runny nose and a cough had developed into a fever pushing 102, listlessness, redness in the face, and general disorientation. We took him to the doctor where of course he didn't have a fever (much like a car not making that clunking noise the second you take it to the dealer), but they did a test and he had RSV. I had heard about RSV in the birth boards and knew it was a pain in the ass. There really isn't anything you can do for it, especially because Landon isn't even 6 months old yet. From there, he developed an ear infection and then his eardrum ruptured. Wow - when it rains, it pours, I guess!

I called my parents on Tuesday and casually mentioned Landon being sick. I didn't think they could sense the quiet desperation in my voice. But then 5 minutes after we hung up, I get a call from mom, volunteering to come and help for a couple of days.

I love my mom. We have never had the type of relationship where I cry help and she rescues me. I have always prided myself of being pretty self-reliant. But somehow she just knew, through my assurances of "We're getting through it" that I could sure use some support. My wonderful mother who is scared to death of driving by herself, packed up her things, cleared her schedule and set out by herself at 6:30am through the Colorado mountain highways in the middle of winter to help her daughter. Did I mention that my mom and dad were set to go on a 2 week vacation in 5 days and that she sure could have used the time that was now set aside for me to prep for her trip?

She was here for 2 1/2 days and it was so great to spend time with her. She was also here for 2 weeks in September, and we have talked more during these two visits than we have in a long time. She holds Landon while I work, and she is a great diaper changing assistant ("can I get a wipe, please?") I think she really enjoys the visits, and I have told her that she is welcome here anytime. I hope she takes me up on this, because not only is it great to have a helper with Landon, it is great to have couch time with my mom, just talking about parenting and life in general.

I miss you, mom! Come back soon!