Happiness

I read a lot of parenting books. At some point in a future blog, I will list the books that have really helped me navigate through this journey. Some are probably very familiar and some you have probably never heard of.

One book I am reading right now is "Must Have Mom Manual" by Sara Ellington and Stephanie Triplett. It is an interesting concept - these two women are friends but very different - one chose to breastfeed, one didn't. One returned to work, one didn't. One coslept with her baby, one didn't. Throughout the book they play off each other and sometimes even try to counter the other one's opinions. It is an interesting book - not one of my top five parenting books I have read, but worth my time.

I just finished reading the "You Don't Have to be Perfect" chapter and this chapter resonated with me more than perhaps any other chapter in the book. Here is an excerpt:

"Recent studies show that success and even wealth do not necessarily determine happiness. In fact, research reveals that the happiest people surround themselves with family and friends, don't care about keeping up with the Joneses next door, lose themselves in daily activities and, ost importantly, forgive easily......

The happiest people spend the least time alone. They pursue personal growth and intimacy; they judge themselves by their own yardsticks, never against what others do or have.

Materialism is toxic for happiness. Even rich materialists aren't as happy as those who have lower incomes and care less about getting and spending.....

Another study states, 'Topping the list of needs that appear to bring happiness are autonomy (feeling that your activities are self-chosen and self-endorsed), competence (feeling that you are effective in your activities), relatedness (feeling a sense of closeness with others) and self-esteem.'"

I think this chapter is really interesting. I know I at times want things that I think will make me happier. I want to get the hell out of this condo and move into a house. I want to have a newer this or a better that. But I know that these types of things won't make me truly happy. Sitting on the back steps with my child and watching the world go by make me happy. The three of us singing silly songs and dancing around makes me happy (you should hear some of the stuff G and I make up). Going on walks and reading books and (yes, judge me if you must) watching a really GOOD TV show or movie with my husband makes me happy. And I can do any of this in our condo just as easily as in a new shiny house.

The chapter goes on to discuss an article titled "In Praise of the Average Child", discussing that your child doesn't have to be gifted to be successful, and to be proud of who your child is rather than what he or she earns on tests or how he or she plays a sport. It talks about parents who live vicariously through their child and how wanting your child to have a better life than you is fairly normal, but if your self-worth lies in your children's accomplishments, that borders on psychotic.

This seems like common sense - love who your child is, not what he or she can do. And I am sure it is easy in theory. But in practice? I was a straight A student at the top of my class - I will admit that it is going to be hard for me if Landon struggles in school. I will have to watch myself with this one. But I can't help but think that I will look at my son and be amazed by who he has grown into, regardless of his strengths and weaknesses. And if I don't, I always have G to snap me back in line.